Are They Credulous? or Doubtful? - New Concept of Trust

Sometimes I can find a great deal of proofs telling me that American people look too doubftful and wary. On the other hand, sometimes I find that they look too generous like a fool and believe other people easily. American society, as most societies do, has a lot of mixed aspects, which might be opposite against each other.

At the end of the July, 2009, I went to grocery shopping to Costco for the first time. In this new strange place, shopping at Costco could be a good start because Korea has a lot of Costco, so it could make me feel at home. As for me poor at English communication, it would help me avoid communication error. When I went to the Costco, first I ran into the membership corner because I already knew that the market allowed only membership customers to walk into the store. However, I got stuck in some problems soon. They required me to show my photo ID card which could prove that the person who live in the address on the document is really me. For American, Costco just checked their driver’s licenses whereas those who do not have driver’s license like forigners were requested to show them a lot of documents such as leasing agreement, and passports. After several trials to explain them of why I did not bring that kind of documents, I finally end up with giving up registering membership. I felt annoyed since they rejected me just because they could not confirm my photo identification. At that time, I blamed them for discriminating minority.

One month later, one shiny afternoon I was doing vacuum-cleaning at home. The vacuum cleaner was so heavy that my operation was poor. While cleaning with the appliance, it suddenly smelled burning. The vacuum cleaner was brand-new. Worried about allergies from carpet dusts, I bought a little expensive but more powerful one. After the burning smell, I realized that the capacity of removing dust of the machine was weakened. I wanted to exchange the product at the store, yet I was afraid of how I could explain the fact that it was not my fault. Additionally, my English was bad for the debate with native speakers. After hesitating, I went to the store where I bought the appliance. I felt tensioned when I met an employee working for customer service center. She looked the machine, and, surprisingly, she exchanged with another new one even before I explained her about how it became out of order. They did not even require bills I have got when I bought the machine first. Americans are really generous.

According to these two my experiences, is this country based on trust? If I consider the vacuum’s case, the answer is yes. If I were in Korea, I might have had to prove that it had not been my fault in order to be allowed to exchange with another new vacuum cleaner. On the other hand, if I think about the first episode, Americans really cannot trust in other people. So, their check procedures for identification were very demanding. Their employees in the customer service center just wanted to follow their admission rules. They had a good reason to bother me in the procedure of checking their identification.

From these experiences, I could find that if most Americans see a man or woman within their boundaries, they trust in the person and believe what he or she says. However, if the person is outside of their rules, they doubt and check following their own procedures based on their own rules.

I can tell, now, that American people are not only credulous but also doubtful. Aren’t they?

Can I share with you? - New Concept of Property

There is an old saying that time is like a shot arrow. That is really right. It has been almost three and a half months since I arrived in America. I have set a lot of goals here. Among all things, the most important goal is to improve my English skill. As a way to enhance my listening skill, I started to watch American dramas on TV. A friend in America advised me of contracting cable TV services to be immersed in American culture. It would provide a lot of interesting channels. Consequently, I would get a lot of experiences in a second hand. Furthermore, funny and exciting American soap operas would not allow me to be bored. Nevertheless, instead of getting cable TV services, I decided to watch on computer as it is cheaper than cable services.

After making a decision to enjoy dramas on my computer, I asked my Korean friend in Austin how I can get drama file. Usually in Korea, I could find a few friends around me who I already get a newly released movie or mp3 file. As a result, several friends around them asked the owners to share the file. Even though I did not watch Korean soap dramas on computer in Korea, it looked like a good information sharing between friends.

Actually, I expected a positive answer from the friend in Austin like “you can get them from some sites or I can share the file.” However, the answer was so unexpected thing. She said that I could just watch the drama posted for free by the producer or some excerpts for advertising. She continued to tell me that if I got the clips illegally, I would be expelled from the school or institution I attended. I felt shocked because sharing download clips seemed very prevalent in Korea even though it could mean some violation of other people's property. I already knew about how bad illegal download of intellectual property was, but I could witness those sharing frequently in Korea. Although Korea tried to regulate illegal violence of intellectual property like software download, a lot of young people successfully found their way to access newly-released clips just to not paying for fee and closed their eyes in front of other people’s violation of their properties; however, in America, illegal software download had been already prohibited seriously even before. It was considered a stealing.

I thought the law of the protection of intellectual property should be reinforced more to avoid taking place again. The reason why it should be prohibited is so clear that nobody could rebut it. I think that protecting the property is a basic appointment for society to be better place to live in the future. Violating the property is the same as just stealing. I will pay for English soap video files or mp3 files happily.

Do Americans respect Kennedy? - New Concept of Respect

One afternoon in August 2009, I turned on TV wondering if what kinds of the big sports events would take place in Austin. To my disappointment, the TV screen was full of sad atmosphere instead of cheerful events. I realized that Edward Kennedy, the last one among three Kennedy brothers, died after battling against cancer. I knew the name of Kennedy through media, and I prayed for him and his family. Next day, I turned on TV facing the same news story regarding Edward Kennedy again. I got interested in my finding that special news about Edward Kennedy was being reported on a lot of channel at the same time for long hours, which showed a lot of people in black suits mourning his death and a long parade of police cars with black ribbons. To me, the fever of mourning Kennedy’s death was more than what was expected. Was Senator Kennedy such a great guru in American society? The funeral ceremony on TV looked like that of more privileged one such as a president or a Secretary of State. Kennedy might be really influential man, but the sad atmosphere in the united state was absolutely much more than my expectation considering his position.

One morning in September 2009, my husband showed me a brochure to ask me if I want to attend an event. The brochure was from his graduate school. Oh! It is interesting. I found something which drew my attention strongly. At a corner of the brochure, there was a dean’s photograph. Is it worth? Despite the fact that he is not the president of the university or the college, they put his picture on the brochure. I shared this point with my husband. He answered that he was also surprised to see the dean’s photo hanging on the wall of the dean’s office. He continued to say that most students have an admiration for their dean and president of their university. After hearing his answer, another picture came to me out of the blue. Whenever I went to Texas Union Building in order to eat my breakfast with my kid, I could see UT students’ president’s picture on TV screen attached to the wall. Oh, is he a so great person? I felt confused.

It was not co-incidence. The privileges of Kennedy, the dean, and the students’ president looked strange to my eyes. In Korea, we never have given those respects to such positions. Courtesy like those was for top-of-the-top people. I found out that Americans love to express their favors for successful great people who went through their own hard times, got over those difficulties with their own willingness, and now became successful American leaders.

What made Americans give those favors and respect for the successful people? I think it originated from its history. To their frontiers, immigrants from old world, being a self-made man might be their only goal which brought them into the unknown world; moreover, the successful family or people have had a lot of contribution to their community by donating or illuminating. In addition to those facts, they have tried to live by very strict moral standards and they have been good role models for most Americans. This contrasts with my country’s social mood. Most Koreans doubt if successful businessmen or politicians are moral and their achievement was really from just their own hardworking excluding corruptive relationships, illegal inheritances or immoral business operations. These trends of distrust about successful people have got rid of a great deal of respects for the accomplished men or women.

I bet American’s respects about the leaders have provided a good motivation or goal in order for Americans to try their best to be influential people within their society. Those courtesy would be a good and a long-lasting fertilizer to build a sound and a healthy American society.

Strict Education VS Lack Of Patience - New Concept of Etiquette

Since I came to America, the biggest part of my everyday life is a life as a mom. In Korea, I was working for company, and a babysitter always supported my everyday life. What I did for my kid was just checking for my son’s health and mental condition after work. However, here I really started to be more involved in the childrearing. Furthermore, childrearing in America is more complicated for me. That is because this culture is new to me and childrearing should be based on the complete understanding about this new culture the kid belongs to.

Choosing and sending my son to the day care center was the first task for me after settlement of house and utilities because that task meant freedom for me. The day care center I chose was close to UT. Most parents have some connections with UT, which made me feel comfortable because it seems that if the center has been popular with the UT staffs or students, it meant that it provides a reasonable education to children; nevertheless, I have had hard times since my son joined the day care center.

Every other week, I worked as a parent helper in the center, which was its policy that made parents more involved in children’s education along with supervising teachers’ quality and efforts. I cannot forget first experience as a parent helper until now. Unlike my expectation, their teaching methodology seemed unreasonable and crazy to me. The teachers were so strict. Even toddlers and 2-year-old children were not an exception. Teaching and punishing children, they looked really scary and rigid. What made me more confused was the fact that most American girls and boys in class looked like well-trained soldiers. On the first morning as the parent helper, I worried envisioning in my mind’s eyes what a mess kids’ classroom would be. A vivid picture of the classroom occurred to me which would be full of mischievous boys and girls running around the classroom, yet actual scene was totally different and even weird. It was too quiet, too organized, too well…

I was not happy with the scene. The kids I saw did not seem energetic and curious. They looked like an adults. They looked more calm and mature than Korean kids, but they seemed to lose their confidence or energy to my eyes because of American adults’ toughness and strictness. The way American children are taught was absolutely different from that of Korean children. Generally, Korean moms and dads are struggling with their children to persuade and teach them. The Korean parents usually spend much time to teach their kids. When their kids do not want to eat their meals, American parents stop giving their children their meals. Moreover, to teach them how to require something, the parents do not open the lid of the kids’ food if not required from the kids even though the kids skip the meals. I was upset about that kind of unreasonable and severe education approach.

Now, I am getting used to the way the American parents took for children’s education. I found the reason not from childrearing itself, but the concept of etiquette in America. I found that Americans hated being annoyed by other people. Regardless of being in a bad or good situation, they do not want to be interrupted by people around them, so they put a lot of priority on social etiquette. Childrearing is closely related to the socialization which means a procedure of being a nice member of the society. This makes American parents so strict and rigid while teaching rules given by kindergarten teachers. In contrast, when they teach other things except social rule, they look not so serious and rigid. For example, to let their children study hard, Korean parents are more severe and require much more whereas American parents don't do that as much as Koreans. After realizing Americans’ attitude toward etiquette, I got to be more comfortable. They cannot make any exception for kids who do not follow their etiquette rules, even for under 2-year-old ones even though it costs children’s innate imagination, their own confidence, especially sometimes their health by giving medication saying, “Boys, you are ADHD.” I like to suggest that American society should be more generous for its children while they teach them social etiquette.

My first Halloween - New Concept of Ceremony

Before I live in Austin, Holloween seemed like just something about pumpkins and costumes to me. Three months later, I was still feeling strange about fever of Holloween Day. What on earth is Holloween? Fortunately, I happened to read some articles about Holloween history in America a few days ago before Holloween Day. It was likely to be similar to Asia's ceremony for appreciating fruitful harvest and treating ancestors' spirits praying for taking care of their own descendants. “Is it so great day?.” Finally, the day has come, and I spent the Holloween Day in a specific place and a specific situation as a mom. I like to share my Holloween experiences and a few findings on what made me step closer to American culture.

I was invited to the day care center for Holloween event on Friday morning. I had been confused about what to choose for my kid’s costume and other kids’ presents until a day ago. I hesitated and chose candies and stickers for other kids wondering if these gifts were proper for Holloween day. On Friday morning in the day care center’s parking lot, I took out a brand new costume from my bag that my son chose at the Party City. In the car, my son was transformed into a car racer. To my son, Holloween day might be the day he can put on what he likes. He looked really thrilled to put on the clothes. When he walked into the class, a lot of parents and his classmates welcomed him with them wearing funny and fantastic costumes such as a caterpillar, a ladybug, a fairy, a flower, a butterfly, or a cow boy etc. When I saw them, I felt that I was seeing angels from heaven. Who are those creatures, which look innocent, curious, happy? As for me, the kids’ cute and lovely transformation was the first impression of Holloween day. After 2-year-old class kids had the parade of “Trick or Treat”, their candy baskets became full. My son looked straining to understand the new situation but he was likely to feel excited immediately with presents which he got from unexpected people and unexpected places. After a minute, he began to enjoy “Trick or Treat”. I realized that he was getting used to the tradition. He seemed to assimilate into the way American children did.

Some kids remained vividly in my memory. My son's best American girl friend wore a “Snow White” costume. She acted gracefully like a real princess giving out other kids some candies she got. Usually she used to bully smaller kids, but on that morning she was different from usual days. She was learning through another case of role play through this event. A younger chinese girl did not wear Holloween costume. I asked her mother, "Why didn't she put on the clothes?." Her mother said that her daughter just wanted her favorite casual pinky clothes. The literal meaning of transformation might be over her head. For her, putting on her favorite clothes was the best way to start the day. It was impressive that her mother respected her daughter's own decision even though she is just 2 year old. Finally, I remember a boy isolated from cheerful groups. Some parents do not take care of their children as much as others. His parents did not preprare his costume. Also, they did not show up in the event. I felt so sad for the boy's lonely situation. Not fullfilling his or her duty required on the position is a sin. I don't care if it is just a matter of capacity or a matter of attitude. Anyway, if you cannot meet the requirement of something, you should not take the position. I felt uncomfortable while watching the boy who hurts.

There was another interesting finding on that day. The older the kids were, the more like human being their costumes were. For example, in a toddler and 2-year-old class, animal costumes were prevalent. In a 3-year-old class and a 4-year-old class, superstars and characters were popular. I thought clothes showed accurately the degree of socialization of those kids. In addition, this event contributed to socializaion with other families. Not only children, but parents also got together to see and do “Trick or Treat” together. By spending the event together, parents could break an ice between them. I thought this was really joyful and cheerful festival for all people.

In Korea, we also have some memorial days for dead ancestors. It is twice a year for all dead ancestors. In addition, we also get together to treat them on a specific day when the person died. However, all things we do are very calm and serious. It is just a procedural ceremony rather than a joyful festival. Here, in America, their customs for the same purpose are pretty enjoyable and lots of fun. Also, the events in Korea is just for its own family, so they are shared within its extended family; on the contrary, ones in America are directed toward the world. They share their performances and feelings with all people, even with someone who they met first time for Holloween. Gathering together and experiencing exciting performance with their own colorful costumes are likely to make people feel united and release stress. In Korea, we do not have these kinds of festivals people can throw out their stress and pressure.

The first experience for Holloween in a day care center was very awkward one to me. My child might remember that day just as a special one for candies and costumes. Moreover, I had no idea of what I should do on that morning, so I just followed children with my camera. Now I am uploading and arranging pictures I took. While I am looking American children and adults’ happy faces on the pictures, I get to decide that I will accept this day as a great festival that I can open my mind toward the American society just to be fun together. It would be the first memory that my family enjoyed together with Americans. Maybe next year, I might be able to enjoy Holloween by myself feeling less confusion.